Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
