yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
