I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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