dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
