what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
