If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
