Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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