I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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