Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
