Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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