i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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