Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
