I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
