i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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