So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
