There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
