you guys were way drunker than both of me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
