4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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