More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
