Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
