I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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