My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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