Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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