I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
