my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
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