Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
