JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
