Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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