I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He shit in the fireplace
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
