i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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