I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
