Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
