dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
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i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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