TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
