Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Randomize