"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
