I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
