This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
