piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
