why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
