got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
