she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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