OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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