I didn't shave. On purpose
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize