Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
