it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
