Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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