I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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