The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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