so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
