then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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