Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
