just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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