she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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