she was so not down for the gang bang
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
