I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
