I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
