so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
