OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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