Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
