He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
