babies were throwing up all over the place
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
