Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
