so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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