Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
