Swine flu. Run for my life!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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