I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
