I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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