I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
