My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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