And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
