Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
