they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
