he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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