he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
