he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
